


Healing

by RailMeBarrow



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Gay Sex, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:55:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RailMeBarrow/pseuds/RailMeBarrow
Summary: Jimmy vows to find out why Thomas refuses to take off his trousers.!! tw: self harm !!
Relationships: Thomas Barrow & Jimmy Kent, Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent
Kudos: 29





	Healing

There was a bang as Thomas was pressed up against the bedroom door, Jimmy's mouth latching onto his. The younger man’s tongue worked its way into Thomas's mouth, making him go weak at the knees. He moaned into Jimmy's mouth, his fingers threading through his blonde hair.

Thomas’s hips bucked forwards as Jimmy pressed his crotch into his hard cock, grinding together through layers of fabric. His lips left Jimmy's as he threw his head back, moaning unabashedly. Jimmy smirked at this, snaking a hand down between them to grope as thomas’s hard length.

“Oh fuck jimmy… ohhhh” moaned thomas quietly, hoping everyone on the corridor was fast asleep as he humped jimmy’s hand without restraint.

“You like that do you?” chuckled jimmy, his arousal ready to burst out of his trousers at the sight of thomas losing control like this. “Let's get you out of these trousers.” he said, moving his hand to the zipper.

Suddenly Thomas's face dropped, his hips stopped pistoning forward. He kept his eyes firmly averted from Jimmy as the other man looked at him confused. Did he say something wrong? What had caused Thomas to react in such a way, he looked as if he had seen a ghost. Did he not want this? 

Jimmy's worries were quickly cast from his mind as Thomas dropped to his knees in front of him, gently mouthing at the tent in his black trousers. Thomas looked up at him, his eyes full of love and arousal as he opened Jimmy's trousers, carefully fishing his hard cock out from inside. 

He kissed the tip, then licked his way up and down the length, only letting the tip of his tongue glide across the skin. Jimmy groaned in frustration.

“Enough teasing thomas please i-” he was cut off as thomas took his whole length in his mouth, swallowing down to the base. “OH FUCK- ahhh oh god thomas” moaned jimmy, near incoherent with pleasure. Thomas started bobbing his head and jimmy kept his eyes tight shut, knowing that if he looked down at such an erotic sight, hed come embarassingly fast. 

Jimmy thrust his hips forwards, feeling himself bump the back of Thomas's throat with each push but somehow the other man didnt gag. God Thomas was talented at this, his tongue swirling around Jimmy's cock each time he pulled away, sucking hard at the head.

“Oh plea- ohhhh thomas i need… dont stop- hnnnggg im gonna- ohhhh fuck…” moaned jimmy, feeling thomas’s mouth grow full with his load. Thomas swallowed, ever the gentleman, and stood up, tucking Jimmy's cock back into his trousers.

“What about you?” asked Jimmy, gently cupping Thomas through his trousers. “Im ever so eager to return the favour…” he made his way down to kneel in front of Thomas but the underbutler caught his wrists, pulling him back up.

“I'd best go back to my room now jimmy.” he whispered, gently kissing the footman's tanned hands. “We've an early morning tomorrow.”

“But you… i never got to…” stumbled jimmy, confused that thomas wasn't jumping at the chance to have his cock sucked by the man he loved. He was obviously interested, going by the state of the tent in his trousers. Maybe this had something to do with his resistance earlier…

“Don't worry about me jimmy.” said Thomas, placing one last kiss on his lips before he walked to the bedroom door. “I'll say goodnight now.” 

“Goodnight thomas…” said Jimmy as Thomas left. He got into his bed, feeling somewhat uneasy as if he'd taken advantage of Thomas and given him nothing in return. He had offered.

~~~

Thomas and jimmys relationship flourished, filled with evening kisses in the courtyard and midday groping in the wine cellar. Even with all the time they had spent together and all of the orgasms they had shared, Jimmy still hadn't seen Thomas without his trousers on, the older man always batting his hand away or quickly moving their focus to Jimmy's erection.

At first Jimmy thought Thomas was just conscious of his body, no longer the young man he once was. But Thomas seemed to have no problem wandering around Jimmy's room without his shirt on, hell it was hard getting him to keep one on in the first place. Not that jimmy minded, his partner's hairy chest awoke something in him that he hadn't expected.

No, Thomas wasn't conscious of his aging body, just his legs. He often fished his cock out of his trousers for Jimmy to suck or to give him a hand job, so the problem didn't lie there either. He sometimes rolled his pyjama trousers up in the summer, turning them into shorts that met his knee so it had to be his thighs he was hiding. And Jimmy was determined to find out what it was.

He spent the next few days monitoring Thomas's activity and mentally noting any times that he would be without his trousers. Jimmy knew he could just ask Thomas what it was he was hiding but he didn't want to make him uncomfortable and their relationship was new, he didn't want to put any added pressure on them by showing just how much he worried and cared for Thomas, what if he didnt feel the same?

After tracking Thomas's activities over the past few days, Jimmy decided it would be best to catch him while he was getting dressed in the morning. He briefly considered bursting in on Thomas while he was in the bath but the underbutler always locked the door and the rim of the bath would probably hide his thighs from Jimmy anyway. 

So it was decided. Jimmy was going to catch Thomas getting dressed and put a stop to this once and for all.

~~~

Jimmy kissed Thomas goodnight, sweaty from their excursions. Tonight they had just ground against each other, moaning quietly into each other's mouths as their release washed over them. Jimmy pretended to stretch, grabbing Thomas's key off of his bedside table and quickly pocketing it when Thomas rubbed his eyes, weariness threatening to take over.

Jimmy got out of the bed, kissing Thomas once more on the forehead as the older man started to unbutton his shirt, ready to sleep. He made his way to the door. 

“Goodnight thomas.” said Jimmy, proud that everything was going to plan, checking again that the small key was still in his pocket.

“Goodnight jimmy.” answered Thomas before the door shut with a click. Jimmy scuttled back to his room, getting changed quickly and then picking up his alarm clock. He wound the hand forwards so it would ring at 5am instead of the usual 6, giving him time to get dressed and catch Thomas, who always woke early.

Then he lay down and tried to sleep, his excitement keeping him awake. He could hardly wait to find out what Thomas had been hiding for these past months. Maybe it was a tattoo. Images of strange clock tattoos swirled around Jimmy's head as he fell asleep.

The footman awoke with a start, his alarm clock waking him from his dreams of Thomas's soft thighs and what lay under his black trousers. At least it won't be long till he can find out. He dressed quickly, slicking his head into his signature blonde swoop, ready to woo thomas. 

He walked down the corridor, standing outside Thomas's room ready for him to wake up. After a few minutes of leaning casually against the wall outside, he heard Thomas's alarm go off and the creaking of his bed as he sat up. Jimmy smiled as he heard his lover yawn. He was so cute, he couldn't help himself. 

After another few minutes he heard Thomas get out of bed, the floorboards creaking as he made his way over to his wardrobe, removing the livery inside. Then there was the sound Jimmy had been waiting for. The sound of Thomas pulling his trousers down. He waited for them to hit the floor before bursting in.

“Jimmy I'm not dressed-” yelped thomas, trying to cover himself. 

“I've seen…” started Jimmy before he spotted Thomas's thighs, his words trailing off into nothingness. His pale hairy legs were covered in scars. Some pink and new, some old and white, some still scabs. There was a variety of size and thickness, some small and calculated, others looked like someone had attacked him.

Jimmy felt the blood drain from his face as he realised who had done this to the man he loved. He had a cousin who would do the same to her arms whenever she got upset. They carted her off to a mental asylum years ago. He could see why Thomas would want to keep this quiet.

“Thomas i…” trailed Jimmy, realising he had nothing he could say. Thomas had tried to protect him, to keep this private but Jimmy had ruined that completely. He looked up into his lovers eyes, only to see them full of anger and a sadness that made Jimmy's heart ache.

“Are you happy now?” asked Thomas, his voice no more than a growl as his eyes brimmed with tears. “Don't think i didn't notice you always trying to get my trousers off of me. Do you take me for a fool?”

Jimmy stayed silent, shame sitting on his chest like a heavy stone, rendering him speechless. He bit at his lip, trying to stop tears from cascading down his cheeks. How dare he be on the verge of tears when he had brought this upon himself for his own selfish reasons.

“Well answer me boy!” said Thomas, his voice corse and broken with unshed tears.

“I'm sorry…” said jimmy. He watched as Thomas broke, a hand coming to his eyes as his shoulders shook, his body wracked with sobs. Jimmy shut the door behind him and walked to Thomas, gathering him in his arms and stroking his soft hair as he buried his face into the footman's neck, wetting his collar with tears.

“It's ok thomas… you're alright… I've got you…” whispered Jimmy into the older man's ear, his sweet nothings helping to calm Thomas down until his sobbing stopped and he removed his head from Jimmy's collar.

“I'm sorry for acting like this.” said Thomas, wiping his eyes with his good hand. 

“Don't be.” replied Jimmy, taking the other man's hand. “I think it was needed. Do you want to talk about it?” He wanted to support thomas. He knew being sent away never helped his cousin and he was determined that this would never happen to thomas. 

Thomas told him everything. How he'd started shortly after his mother died and how it helped him to cope with the stress of his job. He stopped for a while before the war but when a dear friend of his killed himself, it almost seemed to flip a switch that made it impossible for him to stop hurting himself like this. He used to see it as a fitting punishment for his perversion, but Jimmy had taught him that he could be loved, that he had value.

He tried to stop when he started his relationship with Jimmy, always feeling guilty when he couldn't give the footman what he so obviously wanted, but each night he found himself adding another line to the hundreds that already painted his legs. It wasn't even as if he had anything to be sad about anymore. He had the love of his life next to him in everything he did and he was so happy. He supposed it was just force of habit.

Jimmy listened to Thomas's story intently, trying not to cry as the underbutler told him how worthless he had felt for most of his life. He gripped Thomas's hand throughout, stroking his thumb over the top each time Thomas's voice got choked up, comforting him.

“Look thomas, i'm not telling you to stop. I know you can't right now. But could you come to me each time you feel like harming yourself? And when you do it, please make sure you clean the area. I can't let you get ill. I can't live without you. Ok?” 

Thomas nodded just as the scullery maid started knocking on the doors. 6am. The boys smiled at each other as they stood up, drying their faces on a clean nightshirt. They shared one last kiss before walking out of the room, careful to enter the servants hall at different times, as not to arouse suspicion.

Thomas did come to Jimmy's room a few times, late at night, crawling into Jimmy's bed and burrowing himself under his arms. Some nights he stayed until dawn, his face pressed into Jimmy's chest. A few weeks later, Thomas took off his trousers as Jimmy sucked him off. The footman tried to look at his scars or make a big deal out of it, not wanting to scare Thomas off, but internally he was jumping for joy.

As the months went on, Jimmy found less and less scabs on Thomas's thighs, until one day, only scars remained. Jimmy smiled unabashedly at Thomas, smoothing a hand over his thigh as they lay in his uncomfortable cot. Thomas seemed to get the message and smiled back at Jimmy, placing a small kiss on his lips. 

“I love you thomas, i hope you know that.” said jimmy, suddenly realising he had never said those words aloud to thomas before. 

“I know Jimmy, you show me everyday.” replied Thomas, a grin spreading across his face. “And I love you too.”


End file.
